Today was… fine?
The are many days where nothing emotionally eventful happens – this was another one of those days.
I still felt the same as I have over the last few days, as below:
- What am I doing with my LIFE?!
- I don’t want to work in corporate anymore.
- I don’t want to work for other people anymore.
- I want to work for myself, but I have no idea what I want to commit my life too.
- I want to explore more of my creative side but I’m afraid it’s not enough to support my life and I’ll end up in financial trouble.
- I want to write more but I’m afraid I’ll have nothing to say, or what I have to say will be rubbish. That I’m no good at writing.
- I’d also like more time to paint and do other creative things.
As I write this, I become aware that writing is probably the only thing I could do professionally. Despite the above, I am confident in my abilities, I just feel like an absolute rookie.
The program – FA – helps me stay clear through the day. Helps me not eat myself into oblivion while I deal with all these overwhelming and destabilising feelings.
I am missing easter, that I wasn’t able to participate in easter. A big part of me just wants to go to the supermarket and buy all the discounted Easter eggs and enjoyyyyy myself.
When I think about it, it feels like exhaling. Relaxing. Joy. Excitement. Happiness.
When I find myself thinking about eating it feels comfortable. I feel like it’s where I belong. It feels like the most familiar place to be, where I can relax.
I really miss that… and sometimes it’s not easy saying no to the idea of that.
I also really need to stop watching Instagram videos making desserts.
BEDsecrets 