23rd of April, 2019
Coming out of a four day, long weekend that saw me struggle without the scaffolding of routine, I am hopeful and cautious leading into the week.
I note a familiar bitterness toward the controls and limitations of this program, and my adolescent, rebellious side slamming the door in my face.
It’s refreshing to know my inner adult is keeping me on course and grounded, though as expected, my inner teenager has nothing but angst at the idea of being grounded.
This program really does bring out the real tug-of-war present inside us all. Desire v. Responsibility. Work v. Play. Rest v. Action.
I suppose the nature of ‘adulting’ is to do what you have to do, because you should, not because you want to. Massive eye roll later and here we are, still abstinent, still on track.
I realised there is also a defining moment of ‘difference’. Feeling like you’re existing outside the life you’ve always known – and it almost makes my skin crawl.
I didn’t hate my life before hand, I just hated my relationship with food.
I’m in a perpetual Question Time with myself around whether or not I’m a food addict and if this program is designed for someone like me.
All I do know is the idea of going back to my old relationship with food, could only end in darkness.
BEDsecrets 